My bike is a moron. I hate my bike, yep yep, I hate my bike. The brakes don’t work (if you’re a chicken you want to come to a complete stop, you have to get your feet involved), the pedals are not only toe traps, but they also scrape along the floor. To top the whole sack of horse shit thing off, the gears like to add a bit of spice to the journey. Whenever I decide to pedal like the wind they start a revolution. “HEY… Gear 1! Yes Gear 2? Fancy carrying this chain for a bit? Are you on drugs man, the rider hasn’t requested a switch yet? Screw the rider man, we’re strong independant gears, if we want to switch it up sometimes we can. Ok ok you’re right, you’re always right. Wait until she’s about to get up the curb though. But why… You’ll see. NOW QUICK SWITCH!!!”. *Crash into a wall* asdkjgha;sghghajg;

I like a challenge as much as the next idiot, but when you’re riding along the path and your brakes don’t work and Ortis from the Gadget Show is crossing the road in front of you and he’s taken up the part of the curb that’s sloped especially for wheels and you’ve got no option but to take on the Mount Everest part of the curb and your pedals are like “NOOO” and your gears are like “SWITCH QUICK QUICK FUNNY! ORTIS WATCH”… It’s just a bit much, you know?